Monday, February 16, 2009Y
Nearing the end of Year 1
Another eventful year of my life, and as usual it turned out better than I expected.
I tell myself that I need to stop being so pessimistic, but there is absolutely no reason for me to be optimistic about anything. My reasoning is, if you expect something bad to happen, everything that happens in truth would
still be better than your expectations.
Trying to cram for exams now, damn shit, that's all there is to it. 5 solid modules and all freaking memory work. Even my memory pills can't save me now. -.-
I really hope I can remember everything that I memorised. As I have said many times, I am
extremely prone to anxiety and panic attacks, so I tend to forget what I studied, then I'll freak out because I forgot it, and forget some more. Its a vicious cycle, I know.
Another thing that has been bothering me is the fact that I am spending alot of time with a 17-year olds, and I still fit in. I still can't make up my mind if its a good or bad thing. I fully expected an age gap or something you know? Its not that they are childish or whatever (in fact I think they are much more matured compared to what I was like when I was in JC and was their age, which is quite bloody depressing). They are the best friends that I have in poly now, and I really appreciate them for being in my life.
I also realised recently that I am quite the shallow person. I prefer not to think about certain issues, such as those concerning my future, and all other 'adult' stuff, while others can't wait to be of legal age to handle those matters themselves. Call me apathetic, but I do not get most of that shit anyway. I freaked out when i received the letter for insurance under Great Eastern, and I still marvel over the fact that I have CPF (!!!). Also! I really do not like watching shows that make me think, I have enough misery and torture in my life as it is! Why watch something that makes me think about it for nights and nights? People say I am a bimbo and airhead for only watching chick-flicks. But they make me feel happier. I know, I need therapy. I even watch shows halfway and stop before the sad things happen. (Even in Finding Nemo) I usually skip to the happy ending part. =D
OK! I have wasted enough time on this, my bf is telling me to go to sleep, but! as usual, I will have to sit here and finish up at least this chapter before I feel less guilty enough to fall asleep. Me and my wonderful sense of duty and responsibility.
ps: Saw my ex today, but strangely did not have the compulsion to talk to him or even tell him hi. Guess he's really out of my life now. But I must say that he wasn't much of an affair to begin with. Just a regret of the past, I shouldn't have done anything out of pity. hmm.
6:12 AM
