Thankfully I have this to take my mind off the things I would really not think about. He's leaving me again after 2 peaceful years. Not leaving me like LEAVING me, he's just going to Genting with some friends. It sounds so insignificant and unimportant compared to what my ATRM teacher has to go through, but I still don't feel good about it at all. Just buying me things won't change that fact, but for your sake, I'll just pretend it does k?

During the first 2 years when we were together, he went off on these types of trips alot more often, shouldn't I be used to it by now? I've been trying to think about, like what is the real reason why I am always so reluctant for him to be anywhere without me. But sad to say, i have no idea. I can't even pinpoint the exact stupid feeling I have. Which is really frustrating.

Am I sad? Lonely? Angry or jealous? I think all of the above. Why is it that he can feel happy without me, but I can understand better now, because I went on the cruise with friends, and the exhilarating feeling is really liberating. So I won't blame him or resent him for it. Lonely DUH, he's leaving me alone during my holidays damn it! But its not like he's spending time with me, he's working already, the weekday right after he ORD. Ok, I have to admit that I'm quite pissed off with him. I mean I stuck with him throughout the 2 entire years ok! When everything is over, he just went right into his next phase in life without any word of appreciation. Jason will probably say 'its your duty as his girlfriend to be with him, there shouldn't be a need for thanks'. Wait till the shoe's on the other foot damn you.

He only has 6 days of leave for the 6 months in his contract, so damn him as well for taking half of it WITH HIS FUCKING FRIENDS during his GODDAMN 2ND WEEK OF WORK, WITHOUT ME!! GAWD, I'm really getting myself pissed now.

I need to get this outta my system soon before I regret him. But you don't get it all do you? I hope you can get this through your thick skull soon. I may not stick around to wait.