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Day 1 of my vacation! And already I'm feeling bored. Met with Feli and Cherrie yesterday, long time no see. Cherrie has changed! Pretty Cherrie.
Tried on lots of gorgeous dresses at River Island. Big fan now! The dresses are HOT.
Feli bought a very Pretty Woman-ish dress. Hot pink. I tried it on too. The Fat Ass and the Skinny Bitch.

Lately everything I have heard about FABM has just beem disappointing. Not a single thing has been desirable. Screwed Durian Nation, screwed work report. I don't even know why, and after all that effort we put into the thing. I guess people will just say that this is life, nothing is fair, but I can whine right? I just need a listening ear, and someone to tell me that its ok to drag down my GPA, I don't need to be such a perfectionist all the time.
Supposed to be studying for HOM now, but I guess I'm just being complacent. Finished memorising last week, so as Carina would say, its just refreshing memory. I can't even get myself into the mood to start man. And I was home at 12 today. Unproductive nightmare. I still had an afternoon nap.
Ok, so I guess I need to start soon?
Not so soon. :D
He just started a blog to display his CRS.

Bibi died. RIP. I can't bear to throw away your babies. But I don't even know for sure that they are still alive.

Hooked onto Fashion Wars on facebook, its really bitchy business. I like.

I miss Emzilla. Hope she comes back soon. Can I call you sometime Emma? I wish I can hear your voice. I miss those days. Ok, not exactly those days, I hated JC. But I miss my super-duper friends. Yan! Sylvia! Wan Yi! =(

Back to work now I guess. 3 more to go. I really want this over.

Floundering for motivation.

Its finally setting in, the tiredness after studying, and the exams are still 2 days away.
Am quite jealous of others, who are able to put off studying until the day before or whatever, what is the point of starting so early, when in the end I just end up feeling so tired.
I just want it to be over and done with.

Remember how we used to complain? From secondary school O's, to JC A's. And until now at poly. Students everywhere are complaining that the things they are studying will most probably not be applied to what they will be doing as their career in the future. While I used to agree (and I still do for certain modules) I read somewhere that studying for exams and sitting for them is basically only a 'ritual' of sorts, that has to be taken by students all over the world. In a way, it builds character.
I have been trying to remember this everytime I feel like just throwing the towel in, but lately its getting harder and harder. I am really tired, not so much physically. Not even mentally. I am just sick of cramming shit into my brain. Everything's just floating about somewhere in my brain, I'm not even confident that I will be able to pull out anything useful during the papers.
Some may say that having something floating around is better than having a blank brain.
But sometimes I can't even sleep properly without the notes buzzing in my brain.

Really looking forward to the cruise.
But I guess its just in my character to make sure I study hard enough to enjoy myself as much as possible during the vacation.
Why me?

Chanting notes in the shower.

Fed up with FABM. I know what people will say, don't let her get to you. Mind games. I had enough of them from my JC times. ENOUGH.
SICK TWISTED WARPED PERVERTED MIND OF YOURS.

I learnt from the master, but I'm just too tired to entertain you. It may be fun to you, but it concerns my future. Is this how you wish to be remembered?

I want this week to be over. Just let me be. I've had enough of education.
Enough of the torture.

People go crazy because of impossible goals. BMGT: Good leaders set high performance goals.
I see. So they aim to drive everybody crazy.

Excuse me while I make a reservation with IMH, I want a good seat when I get there....

Oh and place orders for Egyptian cotton to bind me to my bed with. Comfort is the least I ask for if I am to be confined.

Another eventful year of my life, and as usual it turned out better than I expected.
I tell myself that I need to stop being so pessimistic, but there is absolutely no reason for me to be optimistic about anything. My reasoning is, if you expect something bad to happen, everything that happens in truth would still be better than your expectations.
Trying to cram for exams now, damn shit, that's all there is to it. 5 solid modules and all freaking memory work. Even my memory pills can't save me now. -.-
I really hope I can remember everything that I memorised. As I have said many times, I am extremely prone to anxiety and panic attacks, so I tend to forget what I studied, then I'll freak out because I forgot it, and forget some more. Its a vicious cycle, I know.
Another thing that has been bothering me is the fact that I am spending alot of time with a 17-year olds, and I still fit in. I still can't make up my mind if its a good or bad thing. I fully expected an age gap or something you know? Its not that they are childish or whatever (in fact I think they are much more matured compared to what I was like when I was in JC and was their age, which is quite bloody depressing). They are the best friends that I have in poly now, and I really appreciate them for being in my life.
I also realised recently that I am quite the shallow person. I prefer not to think about certain issues, such as those concerning my future, and all other 'adult' stuff, while others can't wait to be of legal age to handle those matters themselves. Call me apathetic, but I do not get most of that shit anyway. I freaked out when i received the letter for insurance under Great Eastern, and I still marvel over the fact that I have CPF (!!!). Also! I really do not like watching shows that make me think, I have enough misery and torture in my life as it is! Why watch something that makes me think about it for nights and nights? People say I am a bimbo and airhead for only watching chick-flicks. But they make me feel happier. I know, I need therapy. I even watch shows halfway and stop before the sad things happen. (Even in Finding Nemo) I usually skip to the happy ending part. =D
OK! I have wasted enough time on this, my bf is telling me to go to sleep, but! as usual, I will have to sit here and finish up at least this chapter before I feel less guilty enough to fall asleep. Me and my wonderful sense of duty and responsibility.

ps: Saw my ex today, but strangely did not have the compulsion to talk to him or even tell him hi. Guess he's really out of my life now. But I must say that he wasn't much of an affair to begin with. Just a regret of the past, I shouldn't have done anything out of pity. hmm.